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when its over
how do you move on from what was dysfunctional and hostile relationship?. i knew that i had to leavE my husband of 5 years (2years together before marriage) i knew it was not the place for me to be. How can you stay in a marriage when one party does not talk to the other. When your partner will not hold you, make love to you, kiss you or even say thank you. i announced i wanted to leave in Jan07 he ...laughed at me. That day i emotionally "moved out". In all it took a few months to really move out. Staying at my office/warehouse overnight...sometimes to everyweek. Then to announce...i am leaving, actually i am gone. I HAD GIVEN UP, i had given up trying to make him take notice of me, i had given up trying to be perfect and lovable. .... Well i thought i had given up...we tried counselling and i that was horrible. So much pain. i am now nearly 1 year down the track and thinking about divorce. Anyone else want to share ideas..
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Back to Everest: Memories are Everything,
Getting Drugs Out of My Life for Good,
My Breast Cancer Battle, 
An Asthmatic Trekker Reaches Great Heights, 
A Mountaineer's Reasoning,
Marriage with a Man who can't give you what you need
lindalee — Sun, 03/02/2008 - 15:12It sounds like you have a very LONELY marriage, and I know feeling alone in a marriage must be worse than actually being alone. You sound like I feel --- trying to make him notice you; wanting him to make love with you to show his love, and ignoring you; trying to be "perfect and lovable". It won't work -- he probably can't (or won't) try to change.
My experience is that in the first few years, I was so in love, that I tried to overlook it. Then we had three wonderful children, and they fulfilled my needs for unconditional love, laughter, and physical touch. But now they are gone, and the marriage is very hard. Like I said, lonely.
I will be married 33 in June, and have been unhappy about the marriage for at least 20 years. Unfortunately, I haven't had the courage to leave............ but you're still young, so I would recommend that you get out while you can and start a life that you can feel GOOD and HAPPY about. This kind of marriage takes too high a toll on your self-esteem, because, as women, I think we always blame ourselves (what am I doing wrong that he doesn't show his love?) and exhaust ourselves and our spirit trying to be "perfect and lovable". Good luck!