My Recipe I try not to go to bed if I’m angry with someone or if I feel like saying something I have on my mind. If I make a mistake, if I know I’m wrong or if I’m not good to someone, I apologize as soon as I realize it. Everyday I thank God or my inside strength for not being obsessed with drugs or alcohol. I try to believe that what I go through in my life is for the best. It is there to make me learn something. I try to laugh as much as I can. I do what I have to do. I listen to my little voice inside, she’s always right! I work out to stay in shape, I eat well and I sleep long hours… when it’s possible. And when something goes wrong, when I feel bad, when I’m hurt, when I’m scared, when I feel people don’t love me, when the huge hole inside of me is coming back… I pray, and I throw my thoughts in the sky, above the mountains and believe that something good is going to come out of it. I put my trust into life!!!
January 22nd, 2007 has been my 15th anniversary being free from alcohol and drugs… I really think my recovery has been like climbing a mountain. Going back to school, taking care of my health, gaining weight, eating well and going to the CA reunions was like setting up base camp and having good foundations to start with. Then I started having tools to build the route up the hill. I would climb a little higher and set a higher camp on my mountain. I would encounter different challenges on the terrain. Crevasses, winds, white outs and exhaustion were like sometimes wanting to go for that drink, that gram of cocaine. It was also like wanting to give up everything. I sometimes felt hurt; I sometimes felt I was never going to make it.
Then I would meet people on the way up, people who were telling me that I was not far from camp and that shelter and food would be great. Those moments came and I felt happy and cheered up. They came when I was talking to people that had the same problems and when I learned from their own experience and recovery. Those moments also came when I had been the one helping others who were going through the same fight. All those things were like bringing shelter, warm clothes and food for the next trip in the mountain…
Then I started seeing the world from above, I saw the sun rising behind the other mountains in the valley, then I knew why I had come all the way through. Just one more step… I was not there yet, but I knew it would get better and better if I kept on going and pushing… The ropes that helped me on the mountain were all the successes I’ve experienced since I’ve decided to quit my former life. Getting a degree, finding a good job, becoming a fitness instructor, winning competitions, starting to hike and climb were all those pushes and those cheers I needed to continue when I was about to turn around…
I also came to meet my mother on that mountain when I made peace with her. We were able to talk about the past and as I was able to let her know how I felt when she left us, I came to understand why she did it. Even though she swears she would do it differently now, I keep thinking I’ve been inspired with her determination all along the way to my recovery.
Sometimes on my climb I would communicate with people that were coming down from the summit. Being pushed by the love of my family and friends, the experience of those that have been there, along with my strength, good will and God finally brought me to the summit… to my summit!!! Free of using drugs and alcohol!
I didn’t climb Everest, but I sure climbed My Own Everest!!!
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