Putting Sunshine back into my Life ! ...page 9

Older, wiser but still learning.

My Recipe I try not to go to bed if I’m angry with someone or if I feel like saying something I have on my mind. If I make a mistake, if I know I’m wrong or if I’m not good to someone, I apologize as soon as I realize it. Everyday I thank God or my inside strength for not being obsessed with drugs or alcohol. I try to believe that what I go through in my life is for the best.  It is there to make me learn something. I try to laugh as much as I can. I do what I have to do. I listen to my little voice inside, she’s always right! I work out to stay in shape, I eat well and I sleep long hours… when it’s possible. And when something goes wrong, when I feel bad, when I’m hurt, when I’m scared, when I feel people don’t love me, when the huge hole inside of me is coming back… I pray, and I throw my thoughts in the sky, above the mountains and believe that something good is going to come out of it.  I put my trust into life!!!

Here's me at Everest Base Camp!January 22nd, 2007 has been my 15th anniversary being free from alcohol and drugs… I really think my recovery has been like climbing a mountain.  Going back to school, taking care of my health, gaining weight, eating well and going to the CA reunions was like setting up base camp and having good foundations to start with.  Then I started having tools to build the route up the hill.  I would climb a little higher and set a higher camp on my mountain.  I would encounter different challenges on the terrain.  Crevasses, winds, white outs and exhaustion were like sometimes wanting to go for that drink, that gram of cocaine.  It was also like wanting to give up everything.  I sometimes felt hurt; I sometimes felt I was never going to make it.

Then I would meet people on the way up, people who were telling me that I was not far from camp and that shelter and food would be great.  Those moments came and I felt happy and cheered up.  They came when I was talking to people that had the same problems and when I learned from their own experience and recovery.  Those moments also came when I had been the one helping others who were going through the same fight.  All those things were like bringing shelter, warm clothes and food for the next trip in the mountain…

Then I started seeing the world from above, I saw the sun rising behind the other mountains in the valley, then I knew why I had come all the way through.  Just one more step… I was not there yet, but I knew it would get better and better if I kept on going and pushing… The ropes that helped me on the mountain were all the successes I’ve experienced since I’ve decided to quit my former life.  Getting a degree, finding a good job, becoming a fitness instructor, winning competitions, starting to hike and climb were all those pushes and those cheers I needed to continue when I was about to turn around…

I also came to meet my mother on that mountain when I made peace with her. We were able to talk about the past and as I was able to let her know how I felt when she left us, I came to understand why she did it. Even though she swears she would do it differently now, I keep thinking I’ve been inspired with her determination all along the way to my recovery.

Sometimes on my climb I would communicate with people that were coming down from the summit.  Being pushed by the love of my family and friends, the experience of those that have been there, along with my strength, good will and God finally brought me to the summit… to my summit!!!  Free of using drugs and alcohol!

I didn’t climb Everest, but I sure climbed My Own Everest!!!  

Aéronik :o)

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Messages

You are a brave soul.

Thank you Aeronik,
Your message is very inspiring and honest. You are brave to admit to the world your journey into hell and your climb out of it. How thought provoking, and clear a message. Life is like mountain climbing. You always strive to reach higher, but sometimes we slip back, but gain encouragement to continue on from those we meet "on the climb". So happy to have you in my life as a friend. I never knew about this struggle you had in your life, but it serves to increase the admiration I have for you.
Good luck Aeronik, now and in all your life's summits. Bonne chance, and thanks for the encouragement for everyone to keep climbing.
Your friend,
Pat M.

Thank you Pat!!!

Thanks for all your good words. You know I don't scream it on all roofs what I've been through, but the message in AA and CA meetings was clear. If you want to keep what you've got, you need to give it away... Interesting, isn't it? But, it is true! If people wouldn't have given it to me when I first went there, I wouldn't be where I am today. I thought that this website whose purpose is to tell a story about a journey or a challenge as big as Everest itself, I thought that I could use this tribune to help or inspire others with what I have been through in my past life and also tell them how I manage to stay away from drugs and alcohol in my present life !!!

Thanks again Pat!

Aeronik :o)

Thank you

your story is very touching and you give hope to many who have dealt with similar challenges in their lives . thank you for taking the time to share this story with all of us.

Inspiring

This looks an old site & not very active anymore but I had to register & comment on this inspiring story.
I've struggled with addiction most my life & wasted a huge amount of life to it. As a youth I used to do huge treks with my uncle, run up rock faces & climb the small ''mountains'' we have in the UK, I even had an equipment sponsor. This all ended in my late teens / early 20s when like this lady I discovered the party life & how to fill that empty hole.
My ambitions of climbing K2, mountaineering in the Pyrenees all vanished.

Its very inspiring to see someone that pulled through & found the light at the end of the tunnel. I pray I havnt left it to late, I think if you can mentaly get over addiction your fit for any challenge, I'm yet to beat heroin but this story is truely inspiring. I pray one day I can get clean & get back in the hills & face nature on equal terms again.

Well done Aeronik, you inspired me to to use drugs today. :)

Hello Benn

You are right. This is an old site. Now with FB, I haven't been around for almost 3 years, but I'm happy if I touched you and that you were able to stay clean yesterday and today too :) I'm still clean and free of drugs and alcohol. 22 years last January 22. Happier than ever and life is good to me. But still need to make efforts to take care of myself and walk through life without obsessions. Every day I go with priorities, what is the most important to me now? What do I want to do with my life now? And how, concretely, can I do something today to achieve this goal or this feeling? I've heard something one day that helped me a lot in my rehab:

1. Count your blessings (see what you have instead of what's missing)
2. Do one more kilometer (for you, for helping others, do not go just for the minimum, do more, you will be proud of yourself)
3. See yourself as a unique person and share this unicity (be proud of what is different inside you, what makes who you are, your talents, your good side)
4. Use the power you have to make choices (There are very few places where we have control over and can change, but our attitude is the one we can decide to change; attitude towards what life brings us, attitude to keep smiling even when people are disappointing. Know what's best for you, we all know within when we listen to our inner voice and make good choices).

I hope this helps you go through one more day. Remember, it's one step at a time. One day at a time, and sometimes yes, it is 5 minutes at a time :)

Enjoy Life Benn,

Aeronik

Hi Aeronik, I wish I could

Hi Aeronik,
I wish I could write as well as you can! And in two languages too.
Regards,
Paul

Thank you Paul for sending

Thank you Paul for sending this note. I learned most of it (English) by reading Mountain Books, as well as reading and following you and Fiona on your Everest blog at the very beginning of blogging on Internet :)

See you on FB or here once in a while!!
Aeronik :)

We will need to learn French

Ha! We are hoping to go and live in France next year for a couple of years (Annecy), so we will soon be struggling to learn French.

Languages are very easy, I

Languages are very easy, I learned German from learning there alphabet then listening to music & watching film in German.
I was brought up with Hebrew but lerned it properly as a youth. I think learning the alphabet & letter sounds is the foundation of learning any language then build from there. Germanic languages are very much like English.

Aeronic thanks for your reply, to be fair my post sounded worse than it was. I am actualy in recovery but the 3 days prior to my post I'd had a short relapse and feeling sorry for myself. I am still hopelessly addicted to prescribed Methadone its free and doctors monitor it but we have to remember the Nazis invented the g-d awful stuff. I do a couple of different recovery based groups and have started teaching poor kids climbing as volunteer work.
I have been back climbing outdoors but your story inspired me to get off my bum & get out more as part of my recovery. I've done 3 500m climbs the last week & alot of freeclimbing.
I'm gladd 12 steps worked for you & your father, I've tryed it a couple of times I like the sharing and meeting people who can relate to you but the steps just didnt work for me. I'm using CBT & the controversial Scientology based Dianetics which is helping alot. I'm not goint to get involved with them but will get what I need from it and leave it at that, it is very good but they do have a bad reputation.
Obsessions are a problem for me but so long as there healthy & positive its fine.
I'm enjoying my recovery though its slow. Your right that I should count my blessing and am so glad I live in the Pennines of Northern England so I can now escape in a healthy way. thats a true blessing.
Maybe I will get up K2 before I'm 50. :)

Many thanks again
Keep up the good work & keep smiling.

Benn